Right here. Right now.

There are days when I think wistfully back to my full-time work life. How I went to meetings where people listened to me. How I traveled places and people wanted to hear me speak. How I made decisions every day, important ones, ones that made a difference. And how there were people in cubes next door with whom I shared a sarcastic comment or a coffee/diet coke break.

And there are days when all I can think about is the to-do list I created. Like yesterday, when my house was still reeling from the combination play group/book group launch (6 moms, 8 kids) on Thursday (thanks, Catrina, for the idea!). And breakfast dishes were still sitting out and laundry was piling up. And there was that pesky portion of my address book who never received our Christmas card, and I now have to figure out how to turn our Merry Christmas! picture into a Happy New Year! card. Not to mention a tantalizingly nearly finished cross-word puzzle if I could just remember whether the shorthand style is called "Cregg" or "Clegg" (FYI - Gregg).

But then Calla woke up just 50 minutes into her nap and clearly was still tired. Usually, I can get her to lie back down, but that wasn't working. So, my options are a) just get her up and deal with a cranky and tired child, or b) take her into our bed and lie down with her. I suspect that sleep experts would find a better third option, and say that my option B is only encouraging Calla to wake up from naps early, but she takes good naps at day care, and I haven't heard that Ms. Michelle curls up in Calla's cot for that to happen. The other downside to option B is that then I'm trapped, missing out on my precious naptime to-do list completion, since Calla's favorite nap-with-mama position is lying directly on top of me.

But that's what I did, fortunately with a good book close at hand. And as I lay there, with Calla's head nestled near my collarbone and one arm launched protectively across my neck, listening to her deep breathing and baby snores, I realized that for all the meetings I was missing, the trips I wasn't taking, the items not being checked off my to-do list, there just wasn't anywhere else that I wanted to be at that moment.

She woke up after about an hour. We played a rousing game of peek-a-boo, listened to bird songs, and went down for a snack of goldfish crackers, diluted orange juice and, because mom was in a benevolent mood, a few vanilla wafers.

Life at home isn't all warm fuzzy moments. I still miss working, and doing important things that can be measured and applauded. I miss coffee breaks, across-the-cube-jokes, and the sense of accomplishment after a good day. And after being ignored by dog, cat, and child, I'm not always in a vanilla wafer place. But yesterday, during our nap time, life was good and I was just where I was supposed to be.